Relationships that thrive

Relationships that thrive

The quote ‘no man is an island’ infers that we all thrive through our connections with others. Where possible we want to create and choose relationships that bring out the best in us and add value to our lives. That said, sometimes the relationships in our lives require kit gloves, toleration and maintenance to sustain them because they serve a vital purpose. I feel confident that we can all think of examples of this sort of relationship. Counterbalancing this are those wonderful relationships that we feel motivated to nurture because they bring out the best in us and add to the rich tapestry of our lives. The challenges of managing and improving relationships often presents in coaching conversations with my clients. What each of us value and need from our relationships will differ greatly. My curiosity about this matter led me to carry out a survey. I asked people from all walks of life about the qualities they would desire in an ideal relationships. This elicited a wide range of responses including; ‘someone whose company creates excitement, minds meeting, being with a good listener, similar values and interests, someone who restores my inner calm, hatching plans together, honesty, someone who just gets me, an adventure buddy, people who help me not take life too seriously’. Some of these descriptions struck a chord with me. They reminded me of the importance of being clear about what qualities your relationships need to increase in strength and continue to grow. Coaching conversations often address the subject of how to nurture and manage different sorts of relationships. Some of the themes that we might discuss could include: The qualities that a good relationships...
Dont let fear in the driving seat

Dont let fear in the driving seat

Coaching is a service that people often seek out when fear shows up and stops them from living life to the full. Recently I have given much thought to this. It is my belief that we all have a comfort zone and outwith this space, we feel discomfort. Sometimes this can extend to experiencing fear. Both as a mental fitness coach, and as a human being, I am familiar with both. It struck me that in the face of change, even positive change, fear is inevitable. It can become a barrier and a driver for anxiety and it can hold us back. It is important to clarify that fear is as normal as breathing. It is created from our primeval instinct to perceive threats around us and the desire to survive in the face of it.  Fear is generated from our thoughts and creates unhelpful emotions that can impact our actions. For each of us it will manifest in different ways such as fear of failing, fear of humiliation or fear of making the wrong decision. Believe it or not there is also such a thing as fear of success! In my coaching sessions where we address fear, I have heard people say What if I succeed, and then cannot handle it? This is a great example of how fear can inhibit us. How does fear hold you back? My research on this matter led me to a fabulous quote by Elizabeth Gilbert ‘your mafia mind is a bully’. This was a reminder to me that people who achieve greatness are usually people who ditch their fears. Marie Forleo talks openly...
Life lessons – On a bicycle

Life lessons – On a bicycle

One of the activities that I enjoy doing as a life coach is creating a weekly challenge for my clients. It is aimed at inspiring and encouraging people to get more of what they want from life. One of my recent challenges was called ‘follow your best advice’. It shared an assumption that we all have inner wisdom and helped people take their own good advice. A few weeks later I went on a bike adventure that spanned three days, and covered 120 miles of off road biking in the rain. It is known as the Sandstone way. I decided to put this particular coaching challenge into practice and discovered that my light bulb moments from this epic journey were also transferable to my life in general. I felt compelled to share these lessons with you. The importance of being prepared: I participated in a weekend of biking without making the time to organise my equipment. I discovered on the wettest weekend of the year that route that my waterproof jacket zip was broken. This prompted me to reflect on the benefits of being prepared – a tough lesson to learn. Safety net planning: In advance of this event, given that it is notoriously difficult, worried that I might not be able to complete it.  Asking myself What is the worst thing that could happen here?  and checking what was worrying me the most helped hugely. Once you work out what your worst fears are, you can create a contingency plan to manage should this situation arise…and then get busy doing it anyway. Take time to recharge and refuel:...